Online Dating After Forty

I was married for almost 30 years to a man who said he didn't believe in divorce (I'll write about that someday!) so it was quite a surprise for me to find myself suddenly and unexpectedly single. Things had changed quite a bit since that last time I had dated. Back in the day I went to school everyday where pretty much everyone was single. It was relatively easy to find someone I could get along with who was available. Thirty years later almost everyone I know is married, and finding a date was not so easy.

It seemed reasonable to me that if you wanted to meet single people and have some fun at the same time the local night spots would be a good place to start. So I started my search at the loacl bars and night clubs. Wow! Was I in for a surprise.  Long story short, the bars were not going to work for me. I guess it didn't help that I am not much of a drinker, but the main  problem seemed to be that most of the people at the bars and clubs were either younger than my kids, or so drunk they weren't able to stand, much less dance. Not to mention that the music was so loud it was impossible to talk and get to know someone. It didn't take long for it to become clear that I wasn't going to find a date at a bar.

I have often heard that if you want to find other like minded singles, it is a good idea to become active in your church. I was already pretty active at my church, and from experience I knew that in general, most of the people there were older than my parents, married, and female. Not a single man over 20 or under 60 to be found. Conclusion, church is good for church stuff, not so good for finding a date.

So I had no luck with the bars or the churches. It was time to move away from the extremes and more towards the middle. Many dating advice sites and magazine articles recommend taking lessons to meet single men. This way I would be sure to meet a man with whom I shared a common interest.

I signed up for swing dance lessons, "no partner needed". I had always enjoyed dancing, and my ex-husband did not. In my ever optimistic mind, swing dance lessons would be a way for me to enjoy dancing, and meet a man who liked to dance. A win win situation if ever there was one!

Once again I was disappointed. No partner was needed, the instructors would dance with you when they had time, but a partner certainly would have helped. My class consisted of four married couples and four single women. Not a great place to find a date. At least I picked up some dance moves.

Only a loser would go online to find a date. At least that is what I believed. But three strikes and you are out so I had to try something different.

A quick Google search found plenty of free online dating sites. The first one I chose was not what I had in mind. Mostly young people looking for "friends with benefits" and one night stands.

Finally I found a site that looked OK. I carefully created my profile, trying to be honest without revealing any personal information. (Not really possible, but I changed the month on my birth date, put down that I lived in a nearby large city rather than my small town, and of course, used a made up screen name. ) OK, time to jump in and see who is out there.

I quickly discovered that using an online dating site is a great way to meet single men. Or should I say, a great way to minimize the chances that you will be wasting your time on a jerk. As I was going through the profiles of my matches, I quickly discarded anyone who was not looking for someone like me. If a man said he was looking for a skinny woman ten years younger than him I didn't have to waste my time finding that out. One man's profile specifically said don't ever ask him to dance. I knew right away he was not for me. .If he said he was married but his wife didn't understand him, I could just pass.

In no time I had narrowed my search down to just a few men in my local area. Not one to wait around I sent each of the men a quick email and waited to see what would happen.

A few didn't answer, but a few did! One man stood out in particular, he loved to dance. We arranged to meet at the next swing dance lesson, and as they say... the rest is history!

Thanks to online dating I am now a happily married woman with a great man who likes to dance. I am an online dating success story!